Lonelier than ever.. pep talking myself

it's been hell of a week.
things keep coming n flying in towards me.
I kinda feel that i dun have any sense of direction anymore. I'm just doing things just for the sake of doing. I cant even see the meaning of uni life at all. It's just a series of comes and gos...
even friends...i dun even have a fixed group of friends that i usually cling on to...my source of support. i noe this statement is not totally true...but that's the general feeling that i have now...

i find it hard even to discipline myself. i keep running n hiding away from the responsibilities that i'm supposed to face. i just dun have the strength anymore...

i've set target for myself for this sem, to catch up with whatever i've not done well last sem. i know i'm comparing myself too much with others. i noe i shldnt, but it's not a conscious effort, it's just natural to do so. even if you dun want to, u'll be "forced" to. It's really demoralising to see everyone is doing quite well and you are struggling alone... okay, "alone" is not the right word. but yeah, i feel really alone in this. Even if others say they can't make it...can you really trust them? even if you can, can you really define a standard for "cant make it".

i kinda feel that my passion is not really here.. but whatever it is, i wont give up. coz i've found a source of inspiration and motivation...
yesterday i accidentally stumble upon this videos of Justin Timberlake doing his grand performance at Madison Square Garden.
i mean, it's not really about that concert alone...
i'm just in awe of his hardwork n every effort that he put in in all of his performances. To us, singging and dancing on stage may look like a great deal of fun, especially if you are doing it for a living. but i trust that it's not so if you really have to do it everyday, as yor profession. Just like me, doing engineering as my major, which part of it is fun to me? honestly none!...

but after i watched his concert yesterday... i just got very inspired by how he spiced up all his shows. he may be doing the same dance moves over and over again on different stages... but as i follow most of his performances, i always find something unexpected each and every time...
then it gets me thinking to myself... why can't i do the same. The key is: Be professional! Get the best of whatever i'm doing, whether i like it or not... i may not be very good always (especially in comparison to others), but so what...? as long as i've done my very best...i should be satisfied. If it's not good enough, try harder next time... this world is a mean place, but sometimes you are still given more chances to move up the ladder... there's room for everyone..

yeah, feeling really optimistic now...
okies, moral boosted and time to get back to studying...